However, It broke me. All those thoughts I once had on love, myself, my relationships, and the world shattered. Instead were met with immense love and acceptance.
Not too long ago I remember saying I didn't want children of my own. I didn't want to become a mother. I remember feeling confident about it, too.
At the time, I felt so incapable of caring for a child when I felt like I didn't know how to take care of myself.
Now, I wonder why so many of us feel that way. Why do we feel like we can't have children and take care of them?
Is it because we are dreadfully aware that we might lack self-love, compassion, and genuine connections to other people? Our lack of vulnerability towards our own emotions has made us distance ourselves from others. The disconnection from ourselves has made us think we are content with how things are now.
Are you content?
I wasn't.
I thought I was. I was accomplishing all my goals, and at the end of the day, it never felt enough. I was in survival mode, chasing a sense of safety. Hoping a degree and a secured job will provide that for me.
Don't get me wrong, in the thick of raising a little one, you'll find yourself counting the minutes until nap time. It gets exhausting, but it's at that moment when I remember the true meaning of unconditional love. That's how parenthood has changed me.
Through my child's tantrums and mishaps, I've gained a new perspective on how I see myself. Through her angry outburst, I recognized my unhealed adult version of it. Through her cries for comfort, I saw my need to be comforted.
I've always struggled with expressing my emotions. I felt like it made me difficult to be loved. Whenever I expressed any emotion that wasn't happy, I would notice those around me get frustrated and uncomfortable. When I was sad or angry, it made those close to me sad and angry.
So, of course, I repressed all feelings to make others happy. I learned how to do it wonderfully and mastered it through the years.
However, my repressed emotions were all met with sleepless nights, immense love for my child, and a supportive husband. Through those sleepless nights, I rediscover unconditional love. As we grow older, we measure love through metrics and merits. I think it's normal but not possible with a baby. They don't care if you fed, burped, and rocked them for many hours. They want more and need it now. Their cries sound like fire alarms, letting you know you are already ten seconds too late to meet their needs. It's great.
However, It broke me. Those thoughts I once had on love, myself, my relationships, and the world shattered. Instead were met with immense love and acceptance.
My child loved me through all my sad and anxious days. She looked at me with loving eyes even after struggling to breastfeed. There was no judgment there. She saw me fumble through motherhood, and she still does. And it's okay. Through those experiences I started to see how others loved me when I thought I was unlovable. That is one of the many ways parenthood has changed me.
Here are 10 other things that change forever when you become a parent.
Priorities
As a parent, there will be days you forget to eat, shower, and change your clothes because there aren't enough hours in the day. Sometimes teething and flu symptoms will turn your house inside out. In that moment, when it seems like you cannot allocate time for yourself, remember you aren't letting yourself go or loving yourself less.
Quite the opposite, learn to love who you are now while living in your grimiest outfit with burp stains and eye bags. No filters, just pure acceptance of who you are.
Sleep patterns
Your sleep will go out the window. It's not an easy adjustment and if you are one of the lucky ones, it's not forever. I'm still struggling sixteen months later but it has become easier to do. Accepting you won't be getting a full, nice rest is a journey in itself.
Social life
There will be less time to do the things you did before having children. You still can, but you'll find that you want to do things that involve your children. Late nights out with your friends turn into movie nights with your kids. And if you are introverted like me, then I find this wonderful.
Relationships
All your relationship dynamics will change. You'll find yourself speaking out more when others overstep boundaries. You'll also find yourself helping more and receiving more help because it takes a village to raise children. Your relationships will grow more deeply and attune with who you are. My relationship with my family improved after having a baby.
Career
You'll reconsider your goals and aspirations. They might not hold the same value they once did before having a family. Your goals and expectations change, and it's ok. Spending time with my family became more valuable than achieving a promotion. The pivot into a new direction might be the start of something uniquely yours.
Time Management
If you struggle with time management, parenthood will either make it better or worse for you. It will feel like you are always running out of time, and you're probably right.
Time management doesn't work well with babies but when they become accustomed to their circadian rhythm, it is "Go" time. Before then, don't be too hard on yourself if a set schedule doesn't work. Teething will come and wreak havoc all over your plans.
Finances
With the addition of a child, you'll become better at saving money and budgeting. You'll notice soon how often you need to buy diapers and baby formula, and budgeting becomes second nature.
Even when you find out you can afford the pricier items, you'll want to put it towards an emergency fund or your child's college fund. The priorities you have with money change when you start your family.
Physical Changes
There's no way around it that your body will change when you become a parent. I've seen men gain extra pounds during their wife's pregnancy and even get physical symptoms like cravings and nausea.
For us women, it's a whole endeavor the minute you get a positive test back. Your boobs, belly, and feet grow. I grew one and a half inches in shoe size. A year later, they have not returned to their original size. And it's ok. I find another reason to love myself unconditionally.
Entertainment
Be prepared that you will not watch your shows ever again. We need to control the type of content our children consume because they notice and absorb everything. My husband and I work, so relying on screen time is inevitable.
However, we are both on the same page on what she should watch or not. We try to avoid anything that is too overstimulating, and I noticed my daughter enjoys the shows we chose for her.
Personal Identity
Along with physical changes, accepting the personal identity shifts that follow parenthood can be complex. In the beginning, I was worried about losing my self-identity. I felt like I had taken a long time to feel confident in myself, and then the thought of adjusting to a new identity felt daunting.
With a bit of grace, I overcame that quite quickly. I would tell myself that I was new at this and I was allowed to make mistakes. In doing so, I felt the pressure come off. The best part is that I've become more confident in myself as a person and as a mom.
Conclusion
Everything will change when you become a parent. As expected as it might seem, it still doesn't make it less daunting and overwhelming. The fear of thinking you won't be a good parent is valid. However, soon after you find out you'll be a parent, you'll try to become a better person every day. The love that you have for your child will grow and motivate you.
The fear that you once felt will turn into courage, and that's the best change that I've seen in me since becoming a mother.
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